Angel Food Cake

So, dear readers, I have a secret to confess. I'm quite ashamed of it. Please don't judge me or love me any less. It's just that...

....
....

I can't beat egg whites. 

You non-bakers must think that this is no big deal. But really, it is! How can someone make meringue? Or pavlova? Or angel food cake? You see, egg whites are supposed to be beaten until "stiff peaks form." Have you ever seen egg whites in a bowl? They're like goo. And to make a whole bunch of really delicious recipes, you're supposed to make them look like this.

Now, I have tried every trick in the book. I've pored over Julia Child. I've googled it a million times. The thing is, I need one of these:

But all I have is a pitiful little hand mixer. (Believe me, I've been heavily lobbying for my very own stand mixer for Christmas *AHEM DAD COUGH COUGH*).

I've tried every trick in the book. Clean bowl, room-temperature eggs, everything. A few years ago, I wanted to make Loving Boyfriend a delicious pavlova filled with strawberries for one of our anniversaries. I stood with my beaters for over twenty minutes, hopelessly beating the gooey egg whites. I was so discouraged and sad. We had ice cream instead.

Sigh. It was just not to be. 

This past summer, I vowed that I would beat those little bastards into submission. I stood in the kitchen for half an hour, until my poor little arm nearly fell off. The bowl was filled with liquidy egg whites. I threw them in the sink and went off to bed, feeling like a total failure. Julia would be so disappointed!

My aunt's birthday was in June. I asked her what she wanted me to make... I hoped it would be something fun and challenging, like a torte or something with fondant. But noooooo.... she wanted angel food cake. My heart filled with terror and dread. The creepy "Phantom of the Opera" organ theme played, and lightening struck.

Luckily, they sell angel food cake in a box. All you do is add a few tablespoons of water and pour it in a pan.

Now listen here, you young whippersnappers. This is the only time that you're allowed to use cake mix from a box. Here's how I view it: cake mix (and canned frosting, for that matter) requires no creativity whatsoever. Every single cake made from a box tastes the same. You don't get to experiment, or be creative. It's pretty much against my moral code.

But, if you're a hopeless non-egg-white-beating-failure like I am, buy the angel food cake from a box. Follow the directions. Pour it into a bundt pan.

Thankfully, angel food cake is a blank slate. Now, my aunt likes it because it's simple and fat free. But simple? Ha! Majestic Domestic doesn't do simple! Over here, we add delicious and fantastic toppings to it that will make you hyperglycemic!

Ok, I made the picture a littttle too big. But just stare at it!

So, here's what I made, and they are SO easy to make. No more than three ingredients each.
Strawberry Basil Sauce
Whipped Cream
Chocolate Sauce


Unfortunately, this was before my blogging days, so I didn't take step-by-step pictures. Bear with me.

Strawberry Basil Sauce: 
This was in the summer, when basil is in season. Basil is one of God's greatest gifts to the planet. And it goes fantastically with strawberries. TRUST.
1 pint strawberries (you can use frozen if fresh aren't available).
1/3 cup white sugar
1/3 cup finely minced basil
1 tsp. vanilla extract
Cut the strawberries in half. Put the ingredients in a small saucepan over medium-high heat and stir occasionally, for about 20 minutes. The strawberries will cook down and thicken. When there are no more chunks and the sauce is thick, pour into a bowl and refrigerate. It will continue to thicken.

Whipped Cream:
I may not be able to beat egg whites, but I can make whipped cream. Homemade whipped cream is a million times better than the junk from a can.
1 cup heavy cream
3 Tbs. confectioners sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
If possible, put your beaters and a metal bowl in the freezer about a half hour before making this. Then, pour the cream in and beat it on high until it begins to thicken. Add the rest of the ingredients, and beat until thick and peaks form. It will be a little fluffier than the canned stuff.

Chocolate Sauce:
1/2 bag of chocolate chips
1/2 Tbs. of crisco
I know, crisco is gross, but it's necessary when making chocolate sauce and for chocolate covered strawberries. Melt the two ingredients in the microwave or over low heat on the stove.

Chocolate Covered Strawberries:
Other 1/2 of the bag of chocolate chips
1 Tbs. Crisco
Same thing as above, but pour it into a small, deep bowl when done. Then, dip your washed strawberries, and place them on parchment paper until dry.

Put your angel food cake on a platter. Here is the fun part. I put some whipped cream in the hole of the bundt. I then drizzled the strawberry sauce on top, then the chocolate sauce. I surrounded the cake with whipped cream, and lay the strawberries on top.
Let's admire it again. The whole shebang takes less than an hour to make: you can make the toppings while the cake is baking. And hopefully, you can forgive yourself for using the boxed cake when you see the look on your family's face when you bring this to the table.